My need for constant change.

I have realized over a period of time that I get bored in short period of time. My tolerance levels are not very high. I need change, I need constant motion.

As started to ponder over the issue the realization dawned upon me. I have never had a set of friends who have lasted for more than year. Of course a few of them I know from school are a rare exception.

The common observation is that I slowly drift away form them. I start seeing the faults in them, their  negative sides, which never used to bother me initially but now it has become intolerable. Their behavior seems abnormal. Their activities irritate me.

I have seen this happening very often within a year. Though, they remain a part of daily life still the fault line which has formed is rendered irreparable.

This habit of mine is not just restricted the company I keep, but applies to the music I listen to, the clothes I wear, things I do, et cetera.

But the question remains: Are they at fault or am I doing something wrong?
Am I loosing a good company or they losing a worthy friend?

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Why am I blogging?

Till now or rather before this very page opened, I was thinking why am I blogging?

Big question...it took me a whole cigarette to figure out why am I doing this.

This is one of the things I have always hated, disclosing your emotions, your weakness and your own very true self on a public forum. I have never read blogs nor liked them, until and unless a friend has cajoled me to do so. The idea never appealed to me. Why waste time over a thing which will never be significant to me?  Why wander into the domain which remains unexplored till now? Why sit down and type a whole fucking story when you can devote the same time to other important things?

As I listen to this track from Zinda(Strings) after ages, and every line and every word appeals to me...

I realize things which I never gave a single thought to. My insecurities, my hidden emotions, my own true self. I need a cigarette. 

Relax.

Few drags are left and things have started to clear out, I see a hazy picture and all I can think of is how much have I changed in last few years. From a 10th standard innocent child to a chain smoker, from a simple guy to complex matrix of emotions. 

I have had this fear of exposing my weakness to my own self and that has forbidden me from expressing myself. This is it.

Phew! After 3 cigarettes and whole 25 minutes I have managed to write my first entry. I know it might not be great but still its my first I am happy to have managed to finish this one.

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